Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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