she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
