I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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