He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
