Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wish my penis had a tongue
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Mom said you looked used
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
