Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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