you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
then he tried to convert me to islam
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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