Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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