So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
