We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
