yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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