he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
