i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
