She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He felt like a one man threesome
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
