god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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