no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
