I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
