The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
