she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
