batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Randomize
