Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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