you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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