just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
