Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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