I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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