every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
