Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
