can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
