I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
