I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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