my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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