Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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