Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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