is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
