i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
