ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
