it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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