So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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