I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
