why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
