Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
