Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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