I puked a lego.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
