Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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