all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
