When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
