Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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