The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
