Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
