biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
