We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
