I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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