going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
