I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
